But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

I keep saying that I want to lose weight, but it seems I never actually do it. My mom tells me I'm chubby and stuff like that (not in a super mean way, but it is offensive at times), but my friends all think I look the same and my boyfriend says I'm not fat at all. I still get approached by lots of guys, so I must not be gross. I am 5'4, 137 lbs, size 4 or 6 usually. I sometimes think I weigh so much, but a lot of it must be in my D almost DD boobs...... I miss being in the 120's and maybe even 110's... but I haven't seen those numbers since senior year of high school. I always think maybe I should just accept it since I'm getting older, but I'm only 21!!! That's not even old. I'd like to eat healthy, but I hate all vegetables and love cheese and pasta. And I'm pretty positive I'm addicted to food, because all I do is eat. I'm so lucky to have a fast metabolism, because I eat the most unhealthy foods 24/7 and have never weighed over 138.

Thinking back, I never had big boobs until senior year of high school, and they've just kept growing. -____-. So annoying at times. I wonder if I actually worked out and put an effort in--would they go away? I also wonder if I ate healthy for like 2 weeks how much weight I'd actually lose. I eat so badly and don't gain anything. I definitely eat way over 2000 calories a day, but don't put any weight on, so if I did some mild exercise and ate well, I can only imagine how quickly the lbs would come off. But I'm so lazy and apathetic. Maybe I can do it though. I think I'll try.

"But although there is this thing called the women’s movement, society just took a laxative and they’ve just farted. They haven’t really had a good shit yet."

-John Lennon

i used to the think that should i ever be so lucky to find someone i would want to devote myself to, that they’d know without having to be told that the song to play while asking me to spend the rest of our lives together would be john lennon’s “woman”. the acoustic version. but someone took that away. and someone told me he was forever in my debt and well…well well.

but now, thinking on it, i think i’d want him to play yoko’s “no one can see me like you do”

i get really irritated when people in my office see my photo of john and yoko over my desk and when they screw up their faces and or say something silly like “john and yoooo-ko, huh? what’s that about.” most of the time i just want to ignore them but why should i ignore them and somehow make them feel justfied in their stupidity? so now i say “i love john and yoko” and when they go and something like “john is great, but  yoko” i cut them off and say, “i love yoko. she’s amazing and beautiful” and i think to myself it must be sad to never understand the love between john and yoko. and if you can’t understand john and yoko then obviously you’ve never experienced love perfect. easy love. private love. tender and pure and in earnest. it tells me that anyone who could find yoko funny has never loved anyone enough to say “thank you thank you thank you” to their lover. and that’s unfortunate.

i’m fortunate to have loved someone like that.

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